I like it when you stick it up my ass! any more questions?
I often get hateful comments on my Facebook page that goes like this? Have you ever put the electric collar on yourself or the prong collar on yourself to see how you like it? or even ask if I put it on my kids? well I will leave my kids out of it for the purpose of this blog. Yes I have put a remote on myself and turned it up to 100 ( the video is on Youtube) i have also put the prong on myself and my wife has corrected me (the video is on Youtube) and if we are going to go down that road of comparing what we do to dogs that we should do to me, yes I have eaten dog food out of a bowl, and if any spills I also eat the food off of the floor, I drink water out of a bowl on the ground as well as puddles outside and usually out of the toilet as my whole family laughs about it.
I lately have been sleeping in a crate in the living room, no need for a pillow or a blanket, I have a habit of chewing them up at night. I remember one time I ate a blanket and I had to go to the emergency room (insurance did not cover the ambulance ride, they said it was not an accident, it could have been prevented if my family was more responsible and did not put things in my bed that I ate) damn HMO get you every time. Once the surgery was done, Yes I did have to wear the cone of shame, for some reason the Dr thought that I would actually lick the wound on my stomach and try to take out the stiches…uh hello? did you see me at Yoga class, I can’t even touch my toes, though the thought of licking my own balls, i must say does sound appealing.
I have also been desexed, yep, when I was 1 year old, my parents brought me in and removed my balls. If you are wondering if I walk outside in the snow barefoot, damn right I do, i love running around in the snow naked. Lets talk about grooming, my wife combs my back hair daily, if not it gets knotty, what can I say, I’m jewish we have curly hair.I don’t know about any of you, but lately my sphincter has been feeling pretty full, so I love to drag my ass on the carpeting, it feels really great, my family yells at me and the kids go “GROSS” all in unison, first time I have seen the whole family agree on anything. the funniest thing lately is that my wife asked me to do something? like bring her a glass of wine, and after I bring it to her she makes this clicking noise with her tongue and then gives me a treat, pretty cool, i’m hoping she gets plastered tonight, i love those treats.
I think the best part of being a human though that lives like a dog, is when I go to the doctors office, i get to stand on a metal table, they raise it up like my own personal elevator and then the dr, comes in gives me a treat and shoves a thermometer up my butt, love it, love it love it, i love living like a dog…any more questions? 
God how I needed that! Haven’t belly laughed that hard from a post, or anything I read in a long time! Hilarious Jeff! Great blog
thanks so much Matt
That was the best (funniest) blog I’ve ever read haha. Comparing dogs to people, especially children, is absurd.
absolutely totally disrespectful to both species, human and canine, to compare the 2, and if you are going to do it, you can’t pick and choose the humanization, you have to be all in as I was writing ๐
laughing my ass off…..
I knew it!!! Lol!
Love it!!!!!
It’s a dog’s life! Lol. Good boy, Jeff!
Laughing so hard my stomach hurts! Is this a preview of the Reunion? One can only hope !!Mad Love for you my friend…
I don’t think Ms. Morgan would allow me to get away with such nonsense ๐
People need to understand, not all dogs respond to the same stimuli. That being said, I am glad the clicker training helped with your obedience as well as your towel eating. Haha.
I love you Jeff Gellman! Started my day off with a smile.
Love you to ๐
Training collars are a lot better then they were 40 years ago, when they had 2 or three settings. 1 was light. 2 was hot, and 3 was light’em up! Great response Jeff!
yes, modern remote collar technology has DRAMATICALLY improved and keeps getting better and better, and certain brands are much better than others…also when folks want to through Science at me, keep in mind that the withholding of food is a MAJOR stresser and punisher of those dogs than any leash correction or remote correction. who are we to say what is a reward and what is a punisher from the human mind as it applies to the dog mind. jeff
Hahahhahaa…. *breathes* hahhahahahahhahahaha… *Snort* hahahahhahahahahha… I can’t stop!! Fabulous… Hahahahahahhahahaha
you make me smile..thanks..jeff
Too Funny….. You always manage to put a smile on my face. Your the Best, and Thank you for all your free advice you give, every single day. Jacqui
no problem at all, my pleasure jeff
Hay that was very creative and hilarious. Thanks for the laugh. While I’ve never eaten dog food. I have put the coller up to full and shocked myself (about a million times) and just about every friend I have to prove a point. Point being is I’m the pack leader and at least I didn’t bite the shit out of you. I’ll take a little shock over licking bite wounds. Ok peace