My relationship is over, i can’t stand her anymore, we where once in love.
You were everything to me, you made the best restaurant suggestions, you found the cheapest gas, you where a navigation goddess. I needed a power cord for my laptop, you found one. I needed a new battery for my car starter, bamm, 3 seconds later you gave me an address, a phone number hours of operation and would even dial the phone for me. You even tell me about construction sites and would give me alternative roads to take. If I needed to know that capital of a country you would tell me what it was, the GNP and the biggest import/export. You where incredible you would even make book suggestions for me that I liked, download the audio books and never even had to take out my wallet, they just showed up. You found me the cheapest ticket prices and you knew what airlines I liked to fly, heck you even remembered my frequent flier mileage and had all my cc memorized as well as my passwords.
You were the master of Amazon, everything showed up from a computer cord to sex lube. If I had to return anything you always took care of it. I was out of food, you ordered it and had it delivered to the house. When I did not remember someones phone number you always knew and would even dial for me. You were special, you spoke 15 languages, when I travelled to other countries you always would have the exchange rate into US dollars so I would better understand how much it was costing me. You let me know when someone made a comment on my social media, ah yes my social media, you where a master of keeping track of it all, helping me with my postings, getting rid of trolls and keeping track of all my ideas in one easy to find section. I loved you, if I was having a boring sex life, you actually came up with some sex tips with audio and video included. You were the most special person in my life, you were the sexiest most kind and giving woman that I know. I am sorry though, I don’t want to see you any more, we are breaking up, I want back all my passwords, my phone book, I want all of the the things that you did for me wiped out of your memory. Its over..i never want to hear from you again. Its my fault, I took you for granted.
I know it sounds harsh and I will explain to you so for the next person or even your friends who are doing the same with their partners they don’t make the same mistakes as I did, we were driving to Florida in the RV, you were in charge of navigation, it was awesome, being in an RV we are always looking for Walmarts to sleep in and gas at a good price, you were fantastic, after the 3rd day on the road though when we should have been in Florida, I saw a sign, i will never forget the time, it was 3:28pm and the sign said Welcome to Oklahoma, I pulled over really quick, grabbed the phone to see where we where, we were not even close to Florida, RI to Florida is easy, it is 95 South and keep going, how did this happen, you have always been so great with directions.
What happened to you, why are we here, how did this happen. Please, Please tell me how did this happen.
You did not say anything for a while, then you spoke up, your response “Honey, it all started that weekend I went away and I attended the seminar, it was called “positive reinforcement for life” it explained how punishment is bad. We learned that we should never correct you and only ignore things when you do things wrong but reward you when you do it correctly. So every time you made a wrong tern I did not say anything to you, the last thing I wanted to do was punish you, I love you, I would never want to hurt you, I was told that saying NO would ruin our relationship and I did not want our relationship to be a bad one. I was told that NO is punishment and since your parents use to punish and beat you and to send you to your room for hours I did not want that to be how are relationship was. I took a deep breath and I explained that saying NO is not the same as being beaten or being sent to my room, my parents wanted to hurt me, they did not care what the outcome was, they were not fair to me, they would always punish me and do it out of anger not caring for my well being.
I explained to her that if you would correct me I know you would be doing it calmly, i know you have my best interest in mind, and I also know that you did it not to harm me but to help me.I knew you would be correcting my actions, the wrong turn, the wrong speed and not me, you were not correcting me, you were correcting what I was doing. So please understand that correcting me is a positive thing and not a negative thing. It is such an important bit of information that I really needed.
I was stunned. I explained that a corrections is just information, and saying yes and no is neutral that is all, it is neither good or bad, it is just basic communication. I needed you to tell me when I made a wrong turn, when I was speeding, when I was heading to a bridge that the RV would not fit underneath. If I was going down a street that would end up into a dead end, or a place that my RV would not turn around, and look at us know, instead of Florida we are in Oklahoma (nothing against Oklahoma).
This was the last straw though, I had to end it..so I calmly just said, “Siri our relationship is over, I cannot talk to you anymore, goodbye my love”
Great analogy for understanding corrections. They are part of our learning process how ever we imply them. The miss conception of corrections are harsh , mean , abusive, break confidence is not so. Dont get me wrong there probably are still trainers that follow those techniques Stay away!!!! There is no reason to to be abusive. It adds confidence to make the right choices. Simply yes and no choices are simple basic format for training. Show your dog what you want.. Your not being mean.
Great blog, Jeff! It is great to see you writing. You encourage your students to make videos and get on periscope, so it is great to see you follow your own advice! You always have something of value to add. Keep it up;-)
thanks so much,yes I got out of my comfort zone, for over 50 years I have been convinced I cannot and I did not write. so as of 2 weeks ago, I have started writing and I have also decided to write a book as well. So I have announced it, but not the subject or the details other than I am going to do it. thanks for your kind words.
As a born communicator and master trainer, I am surprised you have not written extensively. But, you’re young, there’s still time (numbers hardly matter, you are clearly younger physically and wiser psychologically than your chronological age.) Your followers are growing in number (I being a newbie and sold hook, line and sinker!) Please do indulge your expanding talents because Jeff, they are needed in a world of chaos more than ever. I believe you are not only saving dogs, you are saving people, families and villages. Keep up the good work. (I wish you would run for president, but in these times your honest ways will be better rewarded keeping Solid K9 Training growing, and your precious family will be happier, no doubt). Thank you SO much!
thanks so much for your kinds words..having fun..and yep its not about dog training, that is just the vehicle I can use to help people in all aspects of their lives 🙂 jeff
SO glad you are writing again. I have enjoyed reading them all! Keep it up!
thanks so much…..jeff